Friday, March 5, 2010

Black Cloud Herpes

I don't know if there's a medical term for it, but I call them Black Cloud People.

I derived the name from a Flintstones character named Schleprock who always had his own personal rain cloud. Schleprock was just unlucky and hapless, whereas Black Cloud People thrive in the center of constant drama and misery.

Everyone knows someone like this. I'm not talking about some poor person that is down on their luck, I'm talking about someone that perpetuates a cycle of misery, unhappiness, drama and pain. They consistently make bad choices. 

Even worse, they will bitch and gripe about the injustice and misery of their lives. They will do everything they can to drag you into their drama.

Now, because you're a nice, compassionate person you will be sorely tempted to help. You'll give sage advice and practical wisdom by the bucketload. You'll waste hours talking and listening to them.

Stop. It won't help. These people love negativity.

Bad decisions, bad choices, bad relationships, bad everything. They do it because they desperately want your attention.  Maybe Mommy didn't love them enough (or whatever) so they do everything in their power to keep themselves at the center of the drama. And trying hard to suck you in.

But what's the harm, you ask? How can sad people be bad for you?

Simple: because that black cloud can detach and follow you. Black clouds are catching, just like herpes. And once you got one, it's hell to get rid of it. Yes, I am totally serious. I've seen it happen.

If you know one of these people, lose him or her fast. You don't need these people in your life. People who always try to drag you down into their vat of misery are bad for you. If they're truly your friends they'll understand. Be warned, you have to be incredibly forceful with some black cloud people before they leave you alone.

How do I know all of this? Because for some reason I can't figure out, they find me. I don't know how or why but they do. I'm getting great at spotting them now.

You see, black cloud people are good at camouflage. They'll seem jovial to gain your confidence. Slowly they will build up the drama and then try to drag you in. That's when I cut them off.

Some are very charming, witty people. Don't buy it. That black cloud is too dangerous. You don't want that cloud to start following you. I'm not sure if it can spread over the phone but why take the chance!

It doesn't matter what you call these people. Sad sacks, trainwrecks, psychic vampires, schleprocks or black cloud people -- just say no! Run away if you must. You see the ultimate goal for these people is to make themselves important. If you pay attention to them then they matter.

I don't need anyone else's drama. I have plenty of my own, thanks. Hell, I don't even watch dramas on television so why would I bother with a black cloud?

And I sure don't want to catch that foulness.

What do you call black cloud people?

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